I have always been passionate about adoption, always dreamt that one day I would be able to provide a home to a child that someone else for whatever reason didn’t feel they could raise themselves. I imagined picking that child up in my arms and giving them all of my love, giving them a sense of security, a sense of freedom. A freedom from the fears that plagued their little hearts, minds and souls. I wanted to give them a sense of place, oh how important that feeling is, to know, absolutely 100% that they belong.
I guess this dream formed when I was a child. My parents loved me very much, I was blessed with parents that stayed together, parents that tried their hardest to provide for us, even though it didn’t always work out the way they thought it would or should. But one thing that brought fear into my life was being in an uncertain world, one that sometimes seemed scary and unorganized. I don’t blame this on my parents, although in the past I’m sure I punished them for it.
See as a child I had an unrealistic expectation of HOME. To my inexperienced mind it was a beautiful house, decorated, and spotless. It was a place where the mom met you at the door with freshly baked cookies and a big glass of milk. It was a place that was filled with laughter, good food, and no anxiety. I always wanted that in my own life and vowed to provide that place for someone who didn’t have it, even if they were just a weekend guest.
But as life molds us, I’ve realized that HOME isn’t an address. I’ve had a lot of different addresses throughout my life, 23 as of today and probably soon 24. Oh I hope the number 24 will be my lucky number and I’ll finally, after 29 years, be able to put down roots. But what about all those millions of children all over the world that just wait… will they ever be able to put down roots? Will they ever feel as though they are HOME?
I guess that’s why adoption always meant so much to me. These children deserve to be in wonderful homes, they deserve to feel secure, and I always thought that I might be able to provide that for at least one of them.
But after our second daughter was born I realized that with the current adoption laws I wouldn’t be able to adopt in the near future, mainly because of a certain medicine I take to ease my anxiety. Ironically since I got help for my anxiety I am now deemed unsuitable to love children who are sitting, just waiting for someone, anyone, to love them. How ironic the system we’ve created is.
But for now I’m considering that a sign, that maybe I can create a sense of home for these children, even if it isn’t in my home. Maybe by supporting them in other ways I can create a HOME in their heart, and potentially ease their fears, comfort them and show them that they do in fact belong. That somewhere, someone thinks enough of them to provide them with shelter, food, security and hopefully love, even if it is from another continent.
And so I’ve decided that I want to build an orphanage, I know it seems like a huge task, but I’m feeling up to it. A nonprofit group called “The Global Orphan Project” helps people build orphanages all over the world. The initial cost is $5,000.00 to build an orphanage in Haiti that can house 10 children, amazing how far the dollar goes and how many lives can be altered by our giving. My goal now is to earn enough money off this blog to build that orphanage by 2012. I know that seems like a long time to raise $5,000.00 but I want it to all come from my writing and right now this blog is how I make money from writing. It’s not a lot but it’s a start.
I just pray that since I can’t physically take any of these children into my home, that I will be able to create a HOME for them, after all home is where the heart is, and from my life so far I know that my heart can be in multiple places at once.
Please check out “The global Orphan Project” at http://theglobalorphanproject.org
