Curious George: The Untold Story.

While reading this please keep in mind that I am 9 ½ months pregnant, translation “I need an attitude adjustment” but that attitude adjustment won’t come until this child comes out of me, so until then I reserve the right to be, well, a major pain in the rear!

I hate Curious George.

Wow that felt good to say. I hate him, that damn little monkey, oh he drives me insane! My 3 year old daughter on the other hand loves him, and I love that she loves him; I just can’t stand watching him and reading about him constantly. See I like the idea of him, I like the morals from all the stories, I think it’s great that they aren’t based on materialism, violence or any of that junk, but I am driven crazy by all the trouble he gets into. I know, I know, isn’t him getting into trouble the point? Yes it is. But I’m tired of it. He reminds me of a toddler that needs a time out and a good talking to. He is the unruly kid in the grocery store, pulling things off of shelves, damaging the produce, and spilling pasta all over the floor. He is the brat in the restaurant that continues to jump on the booth seat behind you, blowing milk out his straw and spilling food all over the floor. Oh man that monkey just ticks me off!

My daughter loves him though and so I can do silly things, like well write this posting, I give in and allow her to watch a few episodes, all along hoping she doesn’t get any crazy ideas like flushing huge toys down the toilet and flooding our entire house. While she watches my blood pressure rises, and every time I hear the damn Man with the Yellow Hat say “Be a good little monkey” I roll my eyes with a combination of anger and anxiety.

Okay, I’m crazy, I know. And now I’m sure you’re thinking that I probably need to be on some sort of anger plan or at least medication, I couldn’t agree more. But the truth is that the Man with the Yellow Hat is a horrible parent! George should have been taken away a long time ago! It is only because he is a monkey that the Man hasn’t been charged with numerous endangerment and neglect charges. I mean let’s think about this, the monkey obviously has the mental capabilities of a toddler, I’ll admit that his physical dexterity is more advanced, being a monkey and all, but he shouldn’t be left alone! And he certainly shouldn’t be sent to the store by himself only to end up at a construction site operating heavy equipment!

So I probably have a little more George experience than most people, my daughter is obsessed. We have all the George DVD’s, we have all the George books, she has stuffed George, she has bath tub George, she has George clothes, and I have George overload! Daily I see the recurring theme of the story and it goes like this:

• a) An event takes place.

• b) The Man with the Yellow Hat foolishly allows George to be by himself, warning “be a good little monkey.” GRRRRR…….

• c) George causes a huge mess, trouble, accident of some sort.

• d) George miraculously doesn’t kill anyone, including himself, although the property damage alone that this monkey causes over time must be greater than that of Hurricane Katrina.

• e) Someone else fixes the problem and George gets the credit.

• f) George is the hero! He has messed things up so badly that any ceasing in damage is enough to praise him.

• g) The Man with the Yellow Hat is never told he is a horrible parent and shouldn’t let the monkey out of his sight.

• h) And all in all it’s a pretty good day. (When George goes home.)

Maybe I’m jaded, maybe I need to put George away for a while, tell my daughter he is on vacation for a few months. I mean I’m not stupid I know George encourages kids to use their imaginations, to explore, to be well, curious. I just wish there was a little more accountability. I wish someone would pull the Man with the Yellow Hat aside and say “ya know if you would watch him he wouldn’t cause so much trouble.”

But isn’t that what we all want? In the store when we see that kid throwing a tantrum don’t we want to grab the parent and say “control your child!” In the restaurant as your being taken on the ride of your life, trying not to spill your clam chowder down your shirt as the kid on the other side of the booth bounces as if he’s on one of those inflatable castles, don’t you ever want to stand up and grab the kid and yell “KNOCK IT OFF!” Oh and the worst, those damn “Heelys wheel shoes,” had I ever rolled around people so rudely in a store or sidewalk my parents would have knocked me on my butt, telling me I was being rude.

So maybe it’s not just George, maybe it’s a whole generation of kids that tick me off, and maybe it’s a whole group of parents that need a good talking too. I know we’re all tired, I know we all have it rough, but seriously what will this next generation of kids look like as adults? As parents I kinda feel like we are dropping the ball, allowing our kids to be disrespectful little brats, and we just blindly carry on our adult lives thinking what the Man with the Yellow Hat must think, “Oh well he’s just a monkey, everyone will understand that I’m under a ton of pressure so I shouldn’t have to watch him that carefully. I mean no one will hold a monkey accountable.” Well guess what, Man with the Yellow Hat and all the parents out there that allow your kids to get away with ridiculous crap constantly, we’re all under stress! We are all tired! We all have seemingly more important things to do! So get over yourselves, grow up and take some responsibility. Tell your kids to knock it off! You can do it in a way that won’t hinder their growth, imagination, or hurt their self esteem. Let’s be parents, let’s tell our kids when they’re screwing up, if we don’t how will they ever learn to be contributing citizens?

Okay so my rant is complete. I should throw in that I am not exempt from this, I have a very strong willed child, so I know that sometimes no matter how hard you try as a parent, sometimes kids have a mind of their own and will do just about anything to make you look bad! And just so you know I’m sure the laws of Karma will come calling me soon, so my next post will probably be how my daughter somehow managed to burn down our neighbor’s house while roasting a marshmallow or something. I know I’ll pay for writing this! But if that does happen, I will be more than happy to take full responsibility for her actions and my own which led her to be in a situation where she could use a marshmallow as a weapon of mass destruction.

See I believe that the way to nurture and raise our kids effectively is to give them a good sense of accountability, and well that only happens through trial and error. So George I’m glad you’re curious, I’m happy that you seem to solve problems that you create in the course of a half an hour. I can only hope that when you make your little monkey noise at the end of every episode what you’re really saying is “wow, I’m so sorry, let me pay for the damages.”